My Understanding Evolution of God, Religion and Church

My uncle used to tell me, God created everything, God gives us knowledge and strength and God has a plan for us. This was many many moons ago, 16 years ago if I remember correctly. This was when I first came to the states, I was 12, everything was so hazy to me. As a naughty boy I was, I responded "Well, it sort of conflicts with what I saw at the National History Museum."

My family including my parents will bug me here and there from time to time about going to Church. I occasionally tried to be obedient so I can get my demands in return. Maybe it is my ADD syndrome, something else would catch my attention during the service or I would fall asleep like I do in classrooms. Maybe the message they were trying to convey is not something I can comprehend, or just yet. The statements usually start with God this, God that. If the sentence doesn't have the word God in it at least once, they probably think that they are not doing their job. I have to be frank, their messages were provocative to me. It caused moments of anger, moments of not wanting to reconcile, and moments of rejections.

As I went through my high school and college education, I am more exposed to the society, new people, diverse culture, and different sources of education. Everyday is a learning day, learning all sorts of things about knowledge that interests me, people, history, math and science, sports, and art etc.. I have good friends who believe in God and they practice different religions. We don't really talk about it, but when we do, it would remind you of a heated debate. I actually don't have much to offer to that conversation, I can't disapprove anything they say because I still have doubts, nor that they can convince me.

I was a proud and arrogant person in college. I was selective on what I want to hear and what I want to learn. I always feel like I have the power to do things, control the process and get the results I wanted. It isn't until a few years ago that I realize how do I know what I wanted is really what I want. I had a path laid out for myself after college, or I should say a path that other people took thatI should follow the same. Was it really my choice?

Having a life with a professional career changed my life. It changed how I view things, how I think and my value system. At times, I felt devastated that my powers are limited, I can't get the results I wanted and I have to try so hard to succeed - a lot harder than I used to try. There wasn't a specific click or turning point, I guess through time, my ego and pride had gone out the window and sailed. I concluded one thing, devastation and anxiety is because I don't know enough about anything and everything. I looked up into the sky, I know not what is out there. I read the book Apollo, how do I really believe the fact that we sent humans to the moon? I decided to remain humble, maybe God did create everything. Let's call him God for now so people don't think I made up another name for. This was probably 4 or 5 years ago, from then on, I do not exclude new information, I try to reconcile, and I challenge my comfort zone. The first 10 years or so I spent in the states was an evolution that nurtured my value system.

If you remember Jefferson Bethke's spoken words of "Why I hate religion but love Jesus", it shocked the entire social media in matter of hours - millions of hits on YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. As religious as he is, he used such strong words to distinguish between God, religion and church. "Because if grace is water, then the church should be an ocean, it's not a museum for good people, it's a hospital for the broken." This is just one of the many meaningful notes that hit the spot. He really puts God, religion and church into perspective, at least it did for me.

I am really grateful of what I have today because I know if I am without any of them, my life will not be the same. But if I did lose what I have today, I would be content because I know things could be worse. I have overcome many challenges, and I am sure there are more to come. I do not see them as obstacles, I see them as milestones I need to go through to reach my goals. I remain positive and optimistic about my future, because life is a path that everyone has to walk, it just depends on how one walks it. There will be a lot of other paths joining in, and so will there be paths branching off. When I look down, I see the path that I am walking on, when I look up, I see my dreams. My value system is being nurtured and refined, and I am slowly establishing my faith.

So where did I get these perspectives about life? I have faith? Where did it come from? I would like to emphasize that the keyword here is life. I think a person's faith yields that person's life. Maybe faith doesn't just have to do with life, maybe it deals with something beyond life - I don't know. For me, it had been a collective and comprehensive evolution, I am not saying these will always be my perspectives, but my faith in life is a continuing evolution.

So going back to Bethke's words, what is God, religion and church? The subject that ties everything together, I think, is faith. Religion and church are created by human beings. Why? Religion is humans' understanding God's creation, at least we tried to; that is why we have so many different religions. I am sure if you put a Christian, a Catholic, a Jew all in one room and locked the door, it may not just be a heated debate. According to Bethke, church is just a broken hospital for clueless people seeking guidance in life. Everyone comes to church is at a different stage of their lives, thus their level of faith is different. I agree! Some people are assholes from Mondays through Saturdays and they act so holy on Sundays. Quit putting a fake mask on. Watch out!

I have not been baptized yet, it is insignificant to me, at least right now. I believe or don't believe in God, I don't know. There is no rush to know. When the time is right, it will turn itself out. I learn different things everyday and my faith is being refined, hopefully for the better.